I am amazed at how much I have learnt this year concerning marriage. Marriage reveals whats in your heart through a series of challenges carefully scripted specifically for you and your spouse. ‘Till Death Do us Part’ will be tested;make no mistake about this. But you can choose to go about the tests joyfully or you can choose to run away.The choice is yours.The lessons we learn truly are subjected to specific seasons we encounter throughout marriage. Be of good cheer! There’s hope! There’s one who is more committed to seeing your marriage succeed that you and your spouse will ever be!
2015 has been both a beautiful and one of the hardest years I have encountered. Beautiful because I gave birth to our son Joshua and it’s been a joy watching him grow up. Gosh they grow up so fast. He’s been able to bring out sides of me that I didn’t know existed. I haven’t gone back to work since I gave birth to him- I’ve had to deal with people’s opinions-which I still choose to ignore- concerning my decision to take time off to take care of him. I believe that there are things in store for me to do concerning work-things that will come at the proper time. For now, I am glad to take care of him, the husband and our home.
2015 has also been hard for my husband and me as a result of the changing dynamics brought about by pregnancy and the new addition to our family. We have since learnt that any change in marriage ought to be maneuvered skillfully largely through communication. Yes, our marriage has been thoroughly tried and tested and quite honestly we didn’t think we would make it but we did. I faced the prospect that my marriage could be over and this made me depressed, fearful, hopeless, helpless, angry and sad. Those were dark days even as I look back. When the good book says that weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning, it meant exactly that. It’s until we invited God and acknowledged our inability to fix and solve what needed to that we began to saw real and tangible change. I moved from depression to soundness of mind, fear turned to certainty, hopelessness became hope, helplessness was replaced with strength and certainty, anger and sadness turned to joy.
As we began to prayerfully seek God on our marriage, it became so clear to us that we needed to shut out all the well-meaning voices and not so well meaning voices that were around us. God doesn’t require spectators when He’s working on precious stuff such as marriage. After all marriage is a three corded strand. The Lord opened my understanding to the Sacredness of marriage.
Something Sacred is something devoted exclusively to one service or use-Something entitled to reverence and respect-Something holy- Merriam Webster. I honestly had never viewed my marriage this highly. That my marriage is meant to be devoted exclusively to God floored me. My contribution to the marriage either positively or negatively reveals how much I esteem it. I now see how critical it is to do marriage around Gods throne. Focusing on God will definitely prepare you for every season your spouse and you will ever encounter in marriage, the good ones and the not so pleasant ones.
Holding and esteeming my marriage as sacred has meant that I don’t speak ill of my husband and my marriage no matter how bad it gets. Yes, it does get bad at times; no marriage is immune to hard times. All that matters is how you navigate those hard times. I now believe that the hard times are meant to hopefully draw you closer than turn you against each other, something that tends to happen.
But more important than not speak ill of your husband and your marriage is being careful of how you think of your husband and marriage. What goes on in your heart is very critical to how you do marriage. There’s no way around this one. If your thoughts towards your husband and your marriage are foul, then it’s only a matter of time before you speak those ill thoughts corrupting and perverting a holy thing. Being one with your spouse means a lot. It means that you can’t take care of the right side of your body while neglecting the left side. Those who do this are smack in the middle of selfishness. Are my husband and my marriage perfect? Far from it guys, but what’s perfect is the person who joined us together, the one who will perfect and still perfects that which concerns my husband and my marriage. Yes, you will get irritated- yes, you will get quite angry but in your irritation and anger do not sin. I pray that in your irritation and anger you will master the humility no matter how right you think you are or how offended you feel to approach God and pour it all out there as opposed to pour it all out on your spouse or your marriage.
[Even as I write this, I know I will keep revisiting these lessons. This is not a claim to mastery of this but it’s a claim of a willingness to continue learning about the sacredness of my marriage].
I now see why God would have me view my marriage as sacred. My marriage is not only an avenue of worship but we now have a son who will experience us through our marriage. Gods will isn’t for Joshua to interact with a broken marriage. His will for Joshua is to interact with a healthy and a whole marriage. Please note I said healthy and whole NOT PERFECT. This knowledge has made us seek God more on how to do marriage. Not seek others. There’s a time and space for involving other people carefully selected by God but not at the expense of involving God. Who orchestrated the marriage in the first place? Run to Him.
I find it interesting that bridal showers and the male equivalents attempt to prepare couples for marriage in just a matter of hours. There has to be a better way of preparing couples for marriage. Part of this will involve having open and honest conversations with our children about our marriages. I believe this would mean that we apologize to our children and those around us for not honoring our marriages and for not setting a good example.
Allow me to share a prayer I have been praying to this effect,
‘Father I realize that I have been viewing my husband and my marriage with a selfish and critical eye. Help me see my husband the way you see Him. Help me see my marriage the way you see it. Father help me protect the sacredness of this marriage you’ve entrusted me with. I am open to learning more about the sacredness of my marriage. Cause my hearts motivations and intentions towards my husband and my marriage be in line with your will and not mine. Expose every ill thought toward my husband and my marriage and birth in me worthy thoughts towards my husband and my marriage’.
This prayer has exposed a lot about the condition of my heart towards my husband and my marriage and I continue to put in the work required on my part. I pray that as you whisper this prayer, God will reveal what needs to be exposed and birth in you what He needs to as only He can. Stay longer with Him, your marriage depends on this interaction.
Don’t allow the enemy have a field day concerning your marriage. Don’t allow yourself to desecrate that which you are a part of-that which is holy.
I have also learnt about DISCRETION.
With Fresh Eyes